You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
