im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
