who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
