We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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