I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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