i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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