You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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