What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
