so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
