it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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