his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
