it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
