margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
