My first STD was from a foam party
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
