is your mom at the bar?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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