Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
