THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
