It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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