She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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