i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
