I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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