woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
