Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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