New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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