but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
