Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
