she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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