New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
