He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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