the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
