i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
