i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Less talking, more tequila
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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