Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize