I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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