In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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