The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
