i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They took my balls.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
