On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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