how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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