i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my being single is dangerous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
