The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
