When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
