but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
