I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
