I wish my penis had an off switch
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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