I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
