Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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