she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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