dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
