ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
