I can tuck mytits in my pants
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
