you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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