I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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