my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
