I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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