I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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