just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
