Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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