I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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