I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
