Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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