i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
