I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
