My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
