That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
smell my finger.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
