Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
