I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
