cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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