Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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