stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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