I accidentally had phone sex last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
