You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
