you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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