if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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