I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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