Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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