My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
