i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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