I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
