I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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