I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
