I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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