my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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