She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
