i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
