She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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