Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
