it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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