allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize