Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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