My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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