I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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