How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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