Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
