turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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