That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
