I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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