i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
