I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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