O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
